Aug 08 | [Trans]figured (Letters from the Coast)

Jesus called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ³⁵For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. ³⁶For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? ³⁷Indeed, what can they give in return for their life?’ …

Six days later, Jesus took with him Peter and James and John, and led them up a high mountain apart, by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, ³and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no one on earth could bleach them. ⁴And there appeared to them Elijah with Moses, who were talking with Jesus. ⁵Then Peter said to Jesus, ‘Rabbi, it is good for us to be here; let us make three dwellings, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.’ ⁶He did not know what to say, for they were terrified. ⁷Then a cloud overshadowed them, and from the cloud there came a voice, ‘This is my Son, the Beloved; listen to him!’ ⁸Suddenly when they looked around, they saw no one with them any more, but only Jesus.

As they were coming down the mountain, he ordered them to tell no one about what they had seen, until after the Son of Man had risen from the dead. ¹⁰So they kept the matter to themselves, questioning what this rising from the dead could mean.

Mark 8:34-37, 9:1-10

Does God make mistakes?

That’s a whole post (or a whole other lifetime of books), but it was the question I remember pondering with a spiritual guide in seminary as we talked about trans people and Christianity.

I knew so few trans people before I started seminary, and this was probably a year away from my discovery of the term genderqueer and the beginning of my journey toward coming out as nonbinary. Despite my ignorance, I already accepted that trans people were beloved, holy, and a part of God’s plan however they felt called to present themselves.

But I do remember asking myself the question, and eventually that spiritual guide, an older cishet white guy, asked the same aloud: Does God make mistakes?

Why would these people be born into the wrong body, if we began with the assumption that they were created beings and that their gender identity was not a sin or a sickness? What kind of a loving God would inflict that on a person?

We pondered it for some time before my spiritual guide said, “I suppose one way to look at it is to examine the notion of the Christian being called to transformation. We all believe that we are called to become new creations through baptism and living the new life. That entails transforming ourselves, and there are so many ways to do that. And maybe trans people are called to proclaim and live out that truth…well, physically. With their bodies.” [Or with their presentation or pronouns or what have you, older me with a bit more knowledge of trans issues adds here].

I turned to look at him, and we both smiled. “Wow. Transformed indeed!”

This was earth-shattering for me – in a good way! For me the thought immediately leads to the revelation that trans people and others outside the socially constructed gender binary truly are sacred, just as many nonwestern cultures proclaimed pre-contact for generations.

In the passage above, we read Mark’s version of the story of the Transfiguration, which is traditionally celebrated just before the beginning of Lent, or August 6^th. I have offered up my own queer and trans readings of Jesus on this blog, and here again there is a rich passage for those of us who exist in the twilight spaces in-between. To take us on a new journey, I’ve expanded the scope of the reading beyond the traditional boundaries of the story to give us some added context.

This strange mystical experience Jesus and his disciples have on the mountain occurs about a week after a conversation which arose from Jesus explaining that he was destined to suffer and die. He explains that all those who wish to follow him should be prepared for the same eventuality, and that those who wish to save their lives will lose them.

I want to tread carefully here. Trans people, especially trans women of colour, are among the most persecuted in the world, and I do not believe at all that anyone is called to accept suffering and death for greater glory or sanctity. The very notion is sickening. But one thing that is made clear to me over and over is that eventually, trans people do come to the crossroads of deciding whether or not to align our outer lives with our inner reality, whether that be through presentation, hormone therapy, gender confirmation surgery, or sharing pronouns. It really is a crossroads, because we know that at every turn we will be shamed, mocked, or doubted. So often, however, we choose to make manifest that inner reality, because losing a previous, false life is the only way to save the true, inner life that seeks to be born into the world.

Jesus, whom the Christian imagines as an incorporeal God taking on a new corporeal body, encourages this.

A week later, on a mountaintop before his closest and dearest friends, Jesus…well, comes out! His clothes become dazzling white and he is shown in the company of other spiritual giants like Moses and Elijah, whose inner realities also transcended their outer ones by virtue of their communion with God. Jesus’ inner reality, one that transcends his outer appearance and is confirmed by his association with similar figures, is made plain to his friends, whom he trusts to understand.

Sadly, they don’t. Peter gets excited, as usual, and seeks to ground the moment by building three dwellings. He’s so close to understanding! He understands that what he has witnessed is incredibly important, and that he was privileged to witness it. But he’s only able to respond to the physicality of these three beings. Jesus is extra-super important…but still operates solely on fleshly rules, ignoring the inner reality that Jesus is much more powerful than a mere man.

If you’ll permit me a cheeky analogy for a moment, it’s almost as if Jesus shows up in women’s clothing, and Peter comes to the conclusion that Jesus must be a drag queen. And he is 100% there for Jesus the drag queen! He’s going to come to all the shows and pass out fivers and use the correct pronouns…as long as Jesus is in the dress.

But this isn’t the point. Jesus is not a drag queen. The dress isn’t switched out for jeans and a collared shirt when the stage lights go out. The outer reality now matches the inner reality, and Jesus needs Peter’s support to live as trans 100% of the time, rather than living in women’s clothing sometimes.

And God confirms this. “Listen to him!”

Let him tell the story.

Jesus, in fact, tells them not to say anything when they have come back. There are a lot of theories about the meaning of Mark’s Messianic secret, but for our purposes we can say that Jesus wants to remain in control of the narrative himself. Only he can adequately explain the depth of his inner reality to people, and he’s smart enough to know that he needs to stick to works of wonder and metaphor for a little longer.

Perhaps this was his way of signaling to others who were like him. “I see you. Your inner reality is richer than your outer one too, isn’t it? I see you and I love you for it. I see the inner reality.”

To the disciples, he merely says, “Wait. Wait until my full-on coming out party. Wait until I rise from death: the biggest restriction outer reality has, the Ur-closet.”

They have no idea what the hell he’s talking about.

People who don’t feel compelled to that level of transformation so rarely do.

But trans people do. And Jesus does.

Happy [Trans]figuration.