Jul 07 | CPE Journal #21: July 6th

So yesterday was pretty chaotic! Last week was my second (and last) week on call. I did get a call on Thursday but I didn’t end up having to go in.

Yesterday, I decided to go and check on Voice after the awful wait to have that fluid drained in Radiology. The room where Voice had been was empty but all the stuff from before was still there – flowers and the like. I went to the nurses station and they told me that Voice had had to be transferred to the ICU at 1am. I went to tell the pastoral care worker who usually works the ICU, and she told me I could go and visit Voice myself if I wanted. I decided to do that at the end of my day.

I ended up spending way more time on the unit than I normally do, which seemed to be the pattern for my whole week. I saw delightful “Wink”, who is said to drift in and out of coherence but who seems far more coherent than the accompanying family member thinks; “Sky”, who was only three years younger than me and experiencing terrible pain as a result of the recent surgery; “Flat”, who was lying in bed with a mostly open stoma which had started bleeding profusely while the dressing was being changed and so was applying pressure, waiting for the doctor to come upstairs. It was quite bizarre to sit and talk to someone in that condition, but Flat is fairly oblivious to most things – “Flat” is actually a description of the patient’s voice. I also saw “Fish”, who made me think I would have to call a code because of fluttering eyelids and twitching feet, which actually turned out to be the prelude to tears. I also saw Storm, who felt energized by storms and was waiting for the perfect one. I also met the latest crop of nursing students from Kwantlen at the behest of a really sweet RN (the same one who introduced me to the first group) and told them about what was offered by pastoral care.

Finally, I went down for the first time (since the St. Paul’s tour, that is) to the ICU to see Voice, who (a bit ironically) couldn’t speak because of the breathine tube. Instead, Voice wrote on a clipboard. To ask what time of day it was, Voice drew a moon with stars and a sun, and divided them with a slash. Eventually, in the middle of writing something, Voice fell asleep. It made sense – there had been no sleep the night before.

I have been feeling much more connected to people.

I have been feeling much more connected to myself.

There are only three weeks left!

-Clarity