May 26 | CPE Journal #3: May 25th

I was sick for much of this week and so yesterday was my only day of visits. I saw a bunch of people but only really has conversations with four of them. One of them was the patient from my last entry, who was in much better spirits this time around, and smiled a little, but still had an aura of sadness. It’s not surprising, considering the nature of the surgery – it was a major life change. I also had the great honour of being asked to speak to some medical students from Kwantlen about what the Pastoral Care Services team did. They were just great and had wonderful questions. I was fascinated by the demographics – out of about eight there was only one man and one Caucasian (they were not the same person, heh heh).

I am uncertain sometimes about how I am to be with people, at least in a care situation. Sometimes I defer and go back to my broad liberal expansiveness, using my non-committal Crisis Line demeanour. I think I need to be more than this but hold onto the non-judgemental and promiscuously loving atmosphere! With the first person I saw, I felt like I had become a priest, but I also felt like I acted inappropriately at times by being too direct or intrusive. I worry about looking patronizing in my verbatim, and yet the patient seemed to respond positively.

I can’t help but wonder if my desire was just the inner authority/majesty of God shining through. I went in expecting to meet Jesus, and I did. But maybe the patient did too! Why in my mind is it “okay” for me to see Jesus in the patient’s countenance, but somehow not okay to consider the possibility that this person might have seen Jesus in mine?

-Clarity

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