Jun 01 | CPE Journal #6: May 31st

Today was a beautiful day. I spent a long time on the unit, much longer than usual. I had some good long conversations, and right now as I write about it I want to go up there again! I might change my tune next week when I spend my first week on-call, heh heh.

I wonder if I’ll have to respond to a Code Blue or arrange a viewing. Several of my colleagues have already arranged viewings. I think I’m ready. There was a little scare this morning when one of the clients seemed to be having some trouble breathing. I wondered briefly if we would be hearing the Code Blue go out – and I was standing right outside the door. But it worked itself out, I think.

It’s all still hard, but I’m beginning to find my groove. I feel a lot less self-conscious on the unit, more a part of the team. Those first couple of times I felt really weird and even illicit – wandering around reading and writing in people’s charts while all these doctors and nurses bustled about looking very official in their coats and scrubs. Now they say hello, or I do, and ask them how their day is going.

I re-connected again with that first client I had and we talked for a very long time. What a difficult life this person has had. The client said that something was different since that first encounter – it’s different for me too.

I feel I still make mistakes sometimes in my encounters, but I don’t dwell on them and fret about them the way I usually do. I feel like I belong, and am where I need to be. Could it be connected to the fact that my supervisor said that very thing to me in IPR on Thursday? :)

-Clarity