Jun 23 | Shackles

I read this little meditation on Richard Rohr and while it could totally be a part of my CPE journal, I think it speaks more to the journey of faith as a whole. I have always had trouble with the idea of the ego because I always believed that the ego was something that was characterized only by its belief that it was above everyone else. I’ve always felt like I was worse than everyone else – indeed, worse than the whole world sometimes! – and so had a hard time understanding how the ego worked, knowing that I was not the only one who felt this way. I know I’ve had moments where I’ve thought I was better than others, but they don’t tend to flood my existence. It is not a battle I find myself in particularly often. I am more usually going to find myself trapped in a spiral of self-loathing that can cripple me from encounter with others. The thought process is more often, “If you only knew…” (There is a certain amount of hubris in there, but it’s certainly not the intention of such thoughts!)

The focus of this meditation (and another few I read in the last little while) on the ego as simply focussed on our “separateness” rather than its status as royal or above others, was extremely helpful.

I have come to believe that there are two aspects or faces of the ego that can separate us from other people and God. The first is the standard one, the belief that we are better – and therefore separate – from other things. We think we are so special as to be above everyone else and everything else. This belief will contaminate relationships of all kinds – not just with family, friends, and coworkers but with humanity in general and the planet itself. We believe we are gods, knowing good and evil and having the power to judge others as below us.

The other aspect seems like the opposite but the underlying themes are similar. This is the belief that we are worse or less – and therefore separate – from other things. This is not a form of humility, which I see as encouraging encounter with others in order to learn better the self. This belief encourages a turning in, out of a misplaced belief that we will contaminate or harm others. It could, as I said, be another form of hubris – what do we think we have done that is so bad that others have not done, or worse than that? But I think the main sin is the turning inward, as well as the sense that, “Nothing I do is of any use to the Other, so I will not engage.” One writer called it a sin particularly present in women, who stand by in the belief that they can do nothing while other women suffer oppression. While I have certainly seen this mindset more present in women than in men, at least when speaking of this sort of thing, I do not by any means think it is unique to women. “Well, nothing I do matters anyway. No-one will listen to me, so why bother? I’m useless.” Thinking you are lower than others and incapable of bettering creation is, in some ways, the easy way out. It’s not a fun easy way out. Although we probably all know someone who is practiced in wallowing in self-pity, I think very few people adopt this belief to intentionally stay lazy. Mostly it is internalized over a long period of time for many reasons. In my case it was bullying, but others have it due to abuse and many other traumas. It is a shackle, and I believe it is a shackle of the Evil One.

I felt this meditation on Rohr encouraged us to break the shackle. The divine (what I refer to as Christ but which has many names) permeates the universe. It is in all things, and in us. It is inescapable. Thank God for that! We are inescapably marked by the beauty of God infused in all created order. We are loved and treasured, and the loved always have certain responsibilities. Even children are expected to clean their rooms and say “Thank you”! We do have the power to change things for the better, and we should exercise it.

St. Augustine said, “Behold who you are, become what you see.” On this day before the feast day of the birth of John the Baptizer, let us proclaim together that the Light of the World, the Lamb of God, has come among us; that things which are cast down are being raised up, and things which had become old are being made new. Cast off your shackles, come to the wedding feast, and shout aloud with me that we are free in the glorious everlasting morning of the resurrection.